Not Capable

It is days like this I feel like Paul when he was asking God to remove the thorn from his side. I truly do love my kids. There are some days when I get so tired of saying the same thing over and over and still not reaching them. I do not feel equipped to handle it. I feel like I am failing. I am tired of hiding in this place that says to put on the front that life is so happy and easy. Right now its not easy. It is not easy to push my pride to the side to get my way. I want to throw a tantrum just so I can be heard. I am stretched to the point where I feel like I cannot say anymore without passing out. I have extended my lungs to what I feel is the breaking point. On days like today, I do not think I can make it through.

Am I alone in this feeling? Am I the only mom that struggles to hold it together for the sake of my kids. Am I the only mom is does not want to put her selfishness aside and get my way? I feel like I am. I get very tired of the facade to be the perfect mom. Patient and loving, ready to give the perfect advice everytime. Ready to lovingly hold my children and calmly tell them how to react to certain situations, that really cannot be what reality is. Reality is red faced, verge of explosion mom, who is tired of saying the same thing over and over and over. Why can't we be honest about it without feeling like someone will call in DHS when we have a bad moment of yelling? I am NOT perfect. I make mistakes and yell at my kids. Am I wrong in doing so? Yes, most definitely. So, here is where I hang my head and heart in shame.

But you know what? I have a merciful Father who chose me for this purpose. He chose me to raise these kids. He thinks I can do it. He KNOWS I can do it. He understands all of my weary frustrations. He knows when I am at my breaking point. He asks me to lay it all on Him and not on my kids. He will lift me up if I will humble myself. He will protect me if I will hide under His wings. He will be my tower of strength. I can run to Him and find refuge. His word is filled with so many verses about His protection. He WILL protect me. He WILL comfort me. God's promises are not empty. His love his unfailing. His faithfulness will remain with me. He is not out to hurt me. He has a plan for me. He has a future picked out specifically for me. He is my Shepherd. He leads beside STILL waters, not turbulent waters, STILL waters. He leads me to PEACE! He restores me! He FORGIVES me. Even when I am walking in the valleys of what seems like death, as in not feeling like I can go much further, His righteous hand will sustain me. So when you are faced with moments of not feeling worthy of His calling remember you did not call yourself. GOD Almighty called you. You were not meant to walk this path alone. You were meant to remain in Him. Stick tight to God. Do not look to the right or the left. Look into His glorious face and follow Him. Tear off what hinders you. THROW IT AWAY!!!! Run to God and finish this race He has placed you on, for HE cares for YOU!!!!

As I sit here, I am typing this a lot more calmly than what I began. I do understand that I will make it, and you can as well. We all have STUFF that causes us frustrations, use them to grow with God. Create a habit of turning to Him. Maybe this is what He wants from you at this point. Learn to lean on Him more than ever. Draw closer to Him and not to the frustrations. Do not sit in the midst of your frustrations and focus on them. Turn to God and He will lift you up and set your feet on a solid rock. Amen.